The Wrong Type of “Social Distancing”

In 1871, Horatio Spafford, a successful businessman and lawyer from Chicago, mourned the death of a son to pneumonia. The same year he lost much of his business to the Great Chicago Fire. Then, in 1873, his four remaining children and wife boarded a ship bound for Europe. Fifteen days later he received this telegram from his wife: “Saved alone, what shall I do?”

Mr. Spafford immediately booked a passage to join his wife. Four days into the crossing, he was summoned by the captain, who informed him that the ship was passing over the very spot where only days before his children had descended three miles down into their watery grave. Horatio quietly entered his private quarters and penned a beautiful hymn of faith.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

What an epic monument to one Christian’s great faith!

Except that this “happily ever after” story is actually tainted by several awkward facts we rarely discuss. Horatio Spafford's soul did not remain “well” for long. Soon he became disillusioned with traditional church and started a group labeled “the Overcomers,” a cult that rejected all medical help and forbad mourning for lost loved ones (a horrible combination). Mr. Spafford also contracted a mental illness in which He believed he was a second Messiah.

But we don’t talk about that. We like to look at the good Christians who successfully deal with all their emotional problems and get all their prayers answered. “Stay positive!” Right? Don’t worry about the people who just aren’t “mature” enough to “get over it.” Enjoy your status as someone who has their life together and don’t worry about the few stragglers who just haven't figured it out yet—they just need to read their Bible and pray more. As for unanswered prayer? Don’t worry about it. Hey, God isn't a vending machine, right?

Unfortunately, in real life, the shockwaves of the Curse affect even the Godliest saints:

• Job, after his loss, at first declared, “the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Yet, the very next chapter records him lamenting, “Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life unto the bitter in soul; which long for death, but it cometh not” (Job 3:20-21a).
• Abraham, the “friend of God" (James 2:23), waited until he was 100 years old before his prayer for a child with Sarah was answered.
• Elijah, the mighty man of God who stunningly embarrassed the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, only hours later fled in fear to the wilderness. Exhausted and depressed, he collapsed under a tree and cried out, “O Lord, take away my life” (I Kings 19:4).
• Paul, the great apostle of the faith, was unable to heal Trophimus from his illness and left sick in Miletum (II Timothy 4:20).

Many godly people today deal with similar problems today. Oswald Chambers, the man known for writing My Utmost for his Highest, experienced a four-year-long near-nervous breakdown. In what he described as “hell on earth,” he found himself joyless and completely unsatisfied with life, despite continually preaching, praying, and studying the Bible more than ever before. He is not an outlier; according to Lifeway Research, “23% of pastors indicate they have personally struggled with mental illness of some kind.”

Meanwhile, the pews are filled with people struggling with depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorders, eating disorders, and hosts of other inner turmoil that we cannot understand unless we actually experience it ourselves. Mental illnesses affect 1 in 5 U.S. adults each year. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among the demographic filling youth groups and singles' classes. And yet, one study found that when they opened up, only half of people with acute mental illness found their church “supportive”—whatever that means.

God sanctifies His children on His timetable. He doesn’t often give the instant gratification of deliverance we desire. If, in His omniscient Grace, He delivers us more quickly than other people, we should be thankful but not judgemental of others less privileged (1 Corinthians 4:7). Instead of self-righteously congratulating ourselves for “arriving,” we must wrestle with the real life consequences of living in a sin cursed world.

It’s time to stop the cliches and ignorant oversimplifications. This world is full of millions of hurting, suffering, and lonely people—people we marginalized and “socially distanced” ourselves from long before federal action forced us to literally separate. In ignorance we quietly overlooked the people who need us most. 

They suffer alone because too often, they fear that telling the truth would only lead to gossip, judgement, exclusion, and trite exhortations to “trust God.” Instead of judging these people and pretending we know “what it comes down to,” maybe we should just listen to them and be there for them—now and tomorrow. And the next day. And the next year.

Instead of “socially distancing” ourselves, here are four ways we can begin to reach out to the hurting people around us:

• Don’t stop praying. God’s timetable is different than ours, but we must never give up hope.
• Don’t stop trusting. God is omniscient and His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). He doesn’t expect us to understand, but He does ask us to keep trusting Him.
• Don’t stop learning. Hurting people don't need “vain repetitions.” Instead of using oversimplified cliches, realize there's more nuance to the situation. Listen to them (James 1:19). Do intensive research.
• Don’t stop loving. Stop gossip. Be there every time. “Weep with them that weep” (Romans 12:15). Don’t abandon hurting people in their worst time of need.​

“For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?”
​(1 Corinthians 4:7)

P.S. In case you are worried: No, I don’t have a mental illness.